Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Less talking, more tequila
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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