dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
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