The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Randomize
