No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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