I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Vodka?
Forever.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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