I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
