You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
