MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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