there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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