I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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