Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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