Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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