my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
God, I missed his penis.
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