I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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