we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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