You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
