Me too!
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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