I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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