I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
