when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
