my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
