I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
