i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
