I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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