ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
