just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Randomize
