I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
