She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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