i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
