I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
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