you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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