I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
