I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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