We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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