well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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