At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
