I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
