In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
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