Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
