My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Randomize
