I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
i've created a new STD.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
