Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
