I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
