there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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