Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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