So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
