Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
