She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
