the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
