He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
