and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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