your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
